Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I Feel So Bad!

There is something bothering me in this past week. I just cannot get it out of my head. Deep in my heart, I feel pretty guilty. Not sure if I have done the right thing but guess it does not matter anymore. How I wish had done otherwise so it did not come to hunt me back.

Okay, here is the story. Last week, just a couple of days before we went on our trip, a guy in his early 20’s, came and knocked on my door. Normally, I would not open the door for strangers especially when dear hubby is not around. But since the guy saw me from the porch,(sitting in front of my computer, of course) thought it was rude for just ignored him while we were staring at each other, so I decided to open the door and talked to him through the screen door.

He introduced himself as one of our neighbors, living just a few blocks away from us. I have never seen him before but it's a vast neighborhood. He told me his heartbreaking story, his mother has just passed away and he is trying to make a buck for her funeral by doing odd jobs. How sad was that? He asked me if he could cut our lawn. But dear hubby just mowed the lawn two days earlier. He then looked at our yard and say he could pick the sticks or if I have any other job for him.

I was speechless and nervous. Just say sorry about his mother and sorry for I do not have any job for him. Actually I want to just give him some money but not sure if I have any small cash (or any cash at all) in my purse. I do not want to make him wait at the door with some hope but then return with nothing. That's very mean. So I just say sorry, I have nothing for him. The poor guy said it’s okay and left.

I felt so bad after he left. What if he was sincerely trying to make some money for that particular reason? A few bucks could make a big different for him. So I decided to do what I feel was right, grab my purse, took out $10 (that’s the most I would give) and waited if I see him again. He might walk on the same street on his way back. Unfortunately, I have not seen him again.

So that’s the story. I know there was also a chance that he might have made up thing to get an easy money. But he was not asking for free money but work to earns it. So most likely he was very sincere. If he were doing it to go to college maybe I would not feel that bad, but man, this guy was trying to make money for his mother’s funeral. And to make it worse, it was just a couple of days before Mother’s Day. I wish had the guts to just tell him to wait and see what I can find in my purse. If only I had given him something even if a couple of bucks, I might not feel that bad. God, I feel so guilty. Am I too hard on myself?


Dora Erb said...

I understand how you feel Hilda. Do not feel guilty, it wasn't your fault, you were just being careful. Anyway, a little prayer for him might give you a peace of mind. Take care.

shirley said...

feeling quilty is normal... a little prayer for him will be good it will ease your burden.
But imagine if he had bad intention.. you wouldn't know what might happen.. Touch wood!! you did the right thing... take care..

agnes C said...

Agreed with shirley, what if he has got bad intention..menyasal kau nanti..He is still young many chances for him to make a living kan?? anyway to divert your guilty feeling, I have got a TAG for you, please visit my blog for details and tag along :)

Jen's Place said...

Hi Billy's mom,
Long time to say hi!
Actually sometimes I do have this dilemma. Duno if u ever encounter this or not but in Msia, sometimes during dinner time, 2 blind person will be walking ard asking for money. Some will just beg and others will sell tissues or trinklets. When this started, we will pity n buy from them. But after awhile, it become a trend and more and more people start to beg/sell stuff to people at foodcourt, restaurant,etc. So, heart harden and refuse to donate anymore. Some are of cos conmans but others sincerely need help. I guess what I am trying to say is, there is only so much we can do and learn from each guilt. I always believe that is why God gave a brain and also a heart to work hand in hand.

So dont worry billy's mom, when you encounter similar situation again, your heart will tell what to do ^_^

Luthie said...

Adui so touching juga story kau ni Hilda, almost nokoturu romou sia ingat tu young man. I do hope that he was sincere. Bah janganlah rasa guilty bah. Pandai saja sia cakap if I were in the same shoes maybe mati matian sudah guilty.

Billy's Mom said...

Thanks Dora. Yes, guess that the best I can do for him/his mother now. I know it's a better gift than the little $. Mungkin ada ikmah disebaliknya kan! Thanks Dora!

Billy's Mom said...

You are very right Shirl. Even though he looks nice and polite, we still need to be very caution. Dunia sekarang macam-macam pun ada kan.

Afterall, I accepted the burden in the positive way, I need to get close to Him. :D

Thanks Shirl!

Billy's Mom said...

Hi there Agnes,
Thank you for stopping by. I am feeling better now. So happy I share about this with you guys. Thank you sooo much. Bah, I will blog hop to your place soon. Thanks kio!

Billy's Mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Billy's Mom said...

Thanks Jen!
Yes, I had encounters with such events back home so many times. Blind man or a blind woman guided by their spouse or children walk to your table while you are enjoying your food. Haiyah, so sad but so irritated oh. You give them money then they will keep coming back. Bagi salah tidak bagi pun salah. Eeeeee!

'I guess what I am trying to say is, there is only so much we can do and learn from each guilt. I always believe that is why God gave a brain and also a heart to work hand in hand.

My dear hubby told me exactly the same too. :D

Yes! Thank you Jen. I feel so much better now. :D

Billy's Mom said...

Yabah Luthie, so sad, tambah lagi he was pretty polite, he left without even grumbling. Drizzle lagi tu masa, sedih kan! Remind me of 'Christmas Guest' punya cerita.
:-( Oh well!

Dina said...

A prayer for that guy and anyone else in his situation would help a lot. I'm sure he was provided by God. Who knows down the road an old lady or somebody might have had a lot of works for him, or might have donated him enough money. It's hard to distinguish between impostors and sincere people nowadays but I think I'll try to be open. I probably would have done the same thing like what you'd done. I'm kinda slow to react to some things.

James Austin said...

That is a very difficult choice you had to make. You first of all had to ensure your own safety and with all the crazy things you hear about these days, you can't be too careful. Unfortunately we face situations like this all too often. When I am faced with guilt like this, and it happens a lot in the city where there are many needy people, I make myself feel better by donating to another needy cause. It doesn't make you feel completely better, but it does remind you that you can make a difference for someone.


Rose said...

Hilda, dont be too hard on yourself for not helping a young man. On that particular time, you just dont know what to do and say, not to mention on not helping him out.

Since he is your neighbour, maybe you can try to find where he stay and check on on him from time to time, see what you can do. Of course you bring along your hubby lah. Good luck!!!

Billy's Mom said...

Hi James. You are very right. Safety is should always be the first priority.
Yeah, I am going to do exactly the same as you did, donating to other needy. :)
Thanks James. Peace!

Billy's Mom said...

Hi Rose,
Guess..... I was a little hard on myself. But I am feeling much better now. The neighborhood is really big so there is no way for me to find him. Beside, I only want to donate for his mother's funeral. It's been more than 2 weeks now. :D

Anyway, thank you very much Rose. You have a nice week. :D

Sue said...

U sure he is from around. A lot of scammers everywhere. I would just ignore him in the first place, it's your house, don't have to open to more important..

Billy's Mom said...

Hi Sue,
Yeah, you are very right. We have to be very-very careful nowadays. I didn't usually open the door for strangers, otherwise, I'll just talk through our screen door. I am almost sure that he was really sincere as he actually asked for job not free money. Thank you Sue!